Silence is Trouble
by chelle92
Summary: Rachel is recovered, but John's depression persists


SILENCE IS TROUBLE

(I do not own any of these characters) 

Previously on ER:Patient's mom to Carter: "You lied?!"//Lucy to Carter: "I wouldn't have asked so many questions if you had told me what was going on."//Mark later tells Lucy and Carter to work out the problems in their teacher/med student relationship.

Previously in this fanfic series: (STATUS UNKNOWN) Kerry gives Carter two weeks time off to deal with issues including his cousin's overdose. (MIDNIGHT PRAYERS) The time off proves valuable to Mark, who asks Carter to visit Rachel in the hospital. She had pneumonia.

5 a.m. Early December 1998

Dr. John Carter watched the lightning from the tiny basement window. He felt tired, but couldn't sleep. Rachel Greene had gone home from the hospital the previous evening. Carter had gone with Mark to Chicago Children's to see her discharged. Carter had made his best attempt to smile and act happy, for Rachel's sake. Yah, he had to give the kid some credit. She did cheer him up with her smile, and her stories. And it felt good to do something, to take his mind off -- well, just about everything else. 

Carter knew Mark sensed something might be wrong. Mark invited Carter to stay for dinner with him and Rachel.

"Are you sure I'm not intruding?" Carter asked.

"Well, you have just as much of a reason to celebrate with us," Mark said, winking.

Dinner had gone fine. Rachel told Mark stories about the nurses and doctors she had gotten to know. That Carter had fallen asleep once, while visiting her, and the nurse gave him a blanket.

"Dr. Carter, how's it going with your counselor?" The ever thoughtful Rachel asked.

"Wow, Rachel, I don't know. It's o.k., I mean it's hard, but it's. . .I don't know."

"I think I know what you mean," she reassured him, stroking his hand with hers.

Mark could tell she and Carter had done some serious bonding.

After dinner, Mark said to Carter, "Feel free to call us anytime. To talk, or whatever you need."

"Thanks for dinner," Carter said. "I enjoyed it."

Roxanne had called him shortly after he returned to Kerry's basement. He politely declined her offer to come over.

"Come on -- you can't just isolate yourself because . . ." Roxanne pleaded.

"I'm not isolating myself."

"Well, o.k., if that's what you say. You have me fooled."

They said their good-byes and Carter knew he was in for a long night. It was probably 2 a.m.when he finally got to sleep, only to be awakened by thunder at 4:30 a.m. It had been an unusually warm fall. No snow yet. 

He had to admit to himself he wasn't being totally truthful with Ms. Adamson, his counselor. She had warned him that she needed the correct information, or "progress" would be hindered. 

"Imagine if a patient came in with only half his medical record?" She asked him at their last session.

But the topics were more uncomfortable than he anticipated. His "coping mechanisms," as Ms. Adamson would call them, were to avoid the issues, to stay quiet and to lie. It was so much easier to lie. Easier until he started to realize he was going backwards, sliding deeper into...

Suddenly, he found himself laughing about his "misfortunes" with Lucy Knight, his med student. She was a delightful creature, when he let himself see her that way. The problems she had encountered didn't seem like a big deal anymore. Oh jeez, she must think I'm the biggest grouch she's ever met, he thought.

The next thing Carter knew it was 9:30 a.m. Somehow he had gone back to sleep after all.

----

Meanwhile, at Cook County, Mark was thanking everyone for wishing his daughter a speedy recovery. The hospital was busy as ever. No major traumas came in, until Carol announced that paramedics had called in about a shooting with multiple victims. Suspected gang activity. Unfortunately, two of the victims were young children, caught in crossfire. The good news was they both were going to live. Everyone was stabilized, one man was brought up to surgery.

Lizzy Corday couldn't help but think about the downside to being in a large city. Seeing the gangs. And the drugs. She recalled the look on Carter's face when his cousin o.d.'ed. Carter was so devastated because he and Anna had tried really hard to help Chase break his addiction. Carter was having a tough time, because Chase had suffered major brain damage. Lizzy noticed Carter hadn't been in for a few days, and overheard he wouldn't be back for about a week.

"Hey," Peter Benton asked her. "What'cha thinkin' about?"

"Well, Peter, it's just so sad sometimes. People come in not by accident, but for something they willingly participate in."

"Yeah," Peter replied. "But it's not our job to solve the world's problems. We're here to treat patients, however they got here. But you're right -- it's sad."

Back at Kerry's, Carter was eating breakfast (cereal and toast) when Kerry got home from work.

"Hi there!' Kerry said cheerfully. "I haven't bumped into you in a couple days."

"Rachel went home yesterday," Carter answered.

"That's what I hear from Mark. He got in just a few minutes before I left."

"I had dinner with them," Carter added.

"How's your time off going?" Kerry asked him. He shrugged."I actually miss work."

"Well, we miss you, too. Doug and Mark are giving Lucy her instruction. She's doing just fine."

She added, "Oh -- and Elizabeth sends you best wishes. She's thinking of you and Chase."

"Thanks," Carter said, finishing his orange juice. "I'm going to see him today."

In reality, Carter wasn't sure he wanted to go anywhere today.

After a few moments of silence, Kerry asked, "Did you sleep much last night?"

Carter chuckled. "You should talk.Are you headed to bed now?"

"I'm going to have a bite to eat first," she replied, waiting for him to answer her question.

"I guess I got about seven hours," he said.

Kerry said, "Are you sure? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound nosy."

Carter wasn't mad. He probably looked tired, because he felt tire. The day wasn't starting out like he'd hoped. He had planned to be on his way over to see Chase by now.

Carter seemed awfully quiet, Kerry though. Lost in thought. She watched him leave for downstairs, but less than a minute later she heard him yell her name.

"Kerry!"

"What is it?" Kerry answered, not thinking to open the basement door.

"I tripped on the stairs!"

He was probably daydreaming, Kerry thought as she opened the door to see him sitting near the bottom, holding his right ankle.

She walked down carefully, to avoid the same fate.

"I'm here Carter," she said with concern in her voice. "Is it bad?"

"This isn't a simple break, Kerry . . . You'll need to call paramedics."

She could tell he was in major pain. Kerry gazed up the stairs. Carter was right. Even if he made it up the stairs, there was no way she could help him to the car.

Kerry used the downstairs phone. After calling the ambulance, she called Jerry to alert him. She then got Carter a blanket and told him to lie down on the carpet at the bottom of the stairs, with his ankle elevated on the stairwell.

"How did you not land on your head?" She asked him, with an incredulous tone in her voice. "What in the world did you do?"

"I wasn't really paying attention. Basically, I landed wrong on the foot, it got caught. I grabbed the guard rail, but still managed to fall on it again."

"You're not going to call my home a health hazard are you?" She joked.

"Kerry, when will they be here? It hurts so much I could scream."

"Oh, Carter, can I get you some ice? I'm sorry I didn't think of it earlier."

"We could try it," he said. "I guess I'll be going back to the ER a lot sooner than I thought."

----

"Lucy, c'mere." Carol said. "We got a call from Kerry. Carter broke his ankle! He's on his way in."

"Oh no. What happened?"

"I'm not sure. I think he fell on the stairway."

"Well, do you want me to help?"

"I have an idea. He needs something to take his mind off the pain. Maybe you can talk to him. Ask him if he remembers Benton's appendectomy."

"What?" Lucy asked, puzzled.

"Oh, Lucy, if you had been here -- not that we didn't take it seriously, but it was sheer pleasure for surgery -- especially Carter -- to have Benton as apatient."

Lucy didn't really get it. "Sounds rather silly to me."

Once Carter came in, the doctors decided to do X-rays immediately, to see if surgery on the ankle would need to be scheduled. Lucy approached him in the exam room while he was waiting for the X-rays to be developed.

"Dr. Carter," Lucy said cautiously. "I have a question. It's about doctors as patients."

"Sounds easy enough," he answered.

"What's this I hear about you doing an appy on Dr. Benton?"

Carter laughed, then grinned. "It's true. Oh my gosh, I can't even describe it. I was so elated -- I mean, I was sorry that he was ill, but happy to be in a position of power over him for once. We took the most awesome pictures!"

Lucy said, "I'll have to see them someday. So here we are -- lucky I'm not doing a surgical internship!"

"This is very ironic," he agreed.

"How ya doin'?" She asked.

"I've been better, Lucy. And you?"

"Hoping you're well soon. Gosh, I didn't expect to see you until next week. Now what?"

"Maybe I'll be assigned to do paperwork," he said.

"Was Kerry going to call your grandma?"

"Oh, where is Kerry?" Carter asked, curious.

"Probably stuck in traffic."

"Kerry will probably call grandma if I end up having surgery. Which I'm almost sure I'll have to do. Lucy, this is so stupid. I'm so embarrassed!"

"We'll take good care of you," she said, hoping that she was saying the right things to help him calm down. "You've done your share of caring for other people. No need to be embarrassed."

After a brief silence, he said, "Thanks for coming to talk."

"You're welcome. Anytime. You better get some rest before those X-rays come back."

TO BE CONTINUED with "Reconciliation"


End file.
